Prologue – What Happened Before
It was coming up on that time again. In New England, Indian Summer meant vibrant colors and an unmistakable chill on the wind. It also meant that school would be starting back up soon and minds relaxed by long sumer days would be forced to buckle up and hit the road again.
Windem was exactly as I remembered it. At least it appeared that way through the smudged sheen of the truck windows. Childishness had kept me away—refused to let me turn in the parking lot. You know, like when you're little and you think if you close your eyes, something doesn't exist. That, in essence, was the game I was playing. It works too. If you're good at fooling yourself.
I'd graduated high school early and entered Windem College at seventeen years of age. I can still say after all this time that it was the only place I learned to fit in. My two roomates, Lorie and Tiffany were Belles from the south, but I got along with them alright. Ok, so I wasn't particularly fond of Lorie, but Tiffany always seemed to try extra hard to make up for her. It was the first time I'd ever lived away from home and adapting was no easy task. But I did it. Over time I even go to enjoy it.
Lorie's boyfriend was a sweet local boy called Robbie. The first few weeks of my freshman semester, I'd had a major crush on him. That was before I learned he and Lorie had begun going out. I personally always thought he was way too good for her, but my worries concerning their relationship had ceased when I'd met John.
John Quinn, formerly of Worcester, Mass. For nearly a year he was the bane of my existence. We first met at the “cliffside party” Lorie had talked her girlfriends into hosting. I was bashful by nature when it came to crowds and hung back, wishing I could disappear into the ground. John had saved me, introducing himself in his confident way and he'd lingered with me in the shadows before finally coaxing me out amongst the other students. Even when I'd decided to head back to my dorm early he had insisted on walking me there. And when, two days later, I'd found out we were in a class together—well, that practically sealed the deal.
John was the quarterback on Windem's football team, but he tore his ACL in the second game of the season and required surgery. He fell behind in classwork and I'd offered to help him catch up, though I think in the end he helped me more than vice versa. It wasn't long before we were practically inseparable. The reason was simple—I amused him (he said) and he made me blush.
We got along better than any couple I'd ever known—even my parents had nothing on us. It was key, I think, that our personalities were anything but identical. He was outspoken, cocky, and funny. I was more thoughtful and quiet, but there was just something about him—just being with him—that made me a little more confident. And then he just made me laugh.
My parents never met John. I always seemed to chicken out while back at home and never actually referred to him as my boyfriend. It was probably just as well. Knowing my father he would've probably shown up at college one day with the purpose of interrogating and condemning anyone who dared go out with his daughter.
After making a rapid comeback from his ACL injury, John had decided not to return to football and instead had taken up wrestling. Many years ago, Windem had originally been founded as an elite all-boys wrestling academy and although they had evolved and modernized, they still had one of the best wrestling programs in the country and definitely in all of Maine. They hosted numerous tournaments throughout the year and John, who seemed to excel at everything he did, quickly became one of their stars. He had wrestled in high school and while his athletic talent was to be noted, it was his mic skills that stood above everyone else. His trademark wit was popular, it seemed, with just about everyone—the exclusion being the guys who were jealous of him.
But life wasn't all roses, and the summer semester was brought to an abrupt end by a tragic accident when Robbie turned up missing. For days local and state police, as well as the coastguard scoured the shoreline. It was supposed that Robbie had been drinking and accidentally fallen over the cliffs that frowned on the ocean behind the dorms. After all, he had been spotted at a party earlier that evening and it was admissible that there was spirits present.
But we all found it hard to believe. Robbie was the model of self discipline and many of us refused to accept his fate. I still remember standing at the edge of the cliffs, watching the divers and boats combing the sea floor, John's arm draped around my shoulder. Although it looked as if he were comforting me, I saw his jaw working and knew, in fact, that it was the exact opposite. Robbie had been John's close friend. And when Robbie's body washed up on a nearby beach almost a week later, there was a change in John that only I could detect. A part of him hardened and there was not as much room in his heart for the rest of the world ever again.
Shortly after that, John and I had our first real fight. My parents had called me the the previous weekend and unexpectedly asked me to come home, as they had some things they wanted to discuss with me. After driving the three hours to Boothbay, I'd been seated at the kitchen table to learn that my family's financial situation was tight. Tighter than I—or even they—had originally anticipated. They were moving to North Carolina where my father had gotten a better job, but they could no longer afford to send me to Windem. Instead they had arranged for me to transfer.
John had thought I should apply for financial aid and stay on at Windem—he even wanted his father to loan me the money. John was from a financially stable background and unable to understand why I was unable to accept his offer. I had never seen John angry before but I was rapidly discovering when he was irked, it took some time for him to get over it. To my everlasting regret, we parted on uncertain terms.
Life goes on. I faithfully attended a community college in NC for a semester before transferring again to a local university. While a student there, I worked in the hospital cafeteria.... where I met my husband.
Honestly I don't think I ever really moved on from my relationship with John. Quiet, serious and detached—Louis was nothing like him. Looking back now, I think that it was childish rebellion on my part. It was the attitude that if I couldn't be with John, I didn't want anyone like him.
Louis and I had had a daughter, before separating nearly two years later. I never did finish school, by the way, which was a crying shame since I'd been to three different colleges in two states. But it was simply too much to handle—working, attending school, and taking care of an infant would be a drain on superwoman and for me—a diagnosed ADD patient who was still silently mourning the turn her life had taken—it was simply too much.
When I separated from Louis, my husband, I lived with my parents for a while before my adoptive Aunt offered to take myself and my daughter in.
I know it sounds improbable, but “Aunt” Jessica was a novelist who incidentally lived less than a mile down the road from Windem College. She and her husband were old family friends and had moved there just over a month before I'd transferred. Her husband had passed a year ago as the result of cancer.
Jessica said she did not like living alone and the arrangement was beneficial to both of us. Personally I thought she was doing me a favor but I was able to get a job for a nearby stable as a trainer for a nearby stables and we went fifty-fifty on everything.
It was a good arrangement. She would would watch my 1 yr old daughter, Kayleigh, when I worked and also insisted that I keep my personal horse (who I'd owned since high-school) in the barn her deceased husband had built out back. His own horse, Roman, had been lonely ever since his passing and it was nice to see the old gelding bonding with my own horse, Skywalker.
I also loved to sit with Jessica on the deck overlooking the ocean, and work with her on her novels. I wasn't a writer myself but had been blessed with an overactive imagination and together we came up with the most unusual characters who we loved to place in perfectly abnormal situations. Okay, I know you're dying for an example, so here goes. Lets see—there was, of course, the rich dolphin trainer with a troubled past. We put him on a train heading west to his grandfather's funeral. By the way, the hearse was a covered wagon and the graveyard a ghost town (yes, this was a modern setting—his grandfather was an old timey cowboy and former foreman on a New Mexico ranch). But enough of that!
IT WAS A warm day—probably one of the last we would have before autumn descended upon us for real. I had the day off from my job at the racing stable and Jessica had suggested that I take Skywalker out for a ride. I'd been reluctant to do so at first, as I felt my first responsibility was to Kayleigh and Jessica watched her so much during the week. However, Jessica had assured me that she, in fact, enjoyed it and I needed to get out out of the house. I knew that, in a subtle way, she was urging me to confront my past.
I'd avoided going into town and/or anywhere near Windem for the first three weeks of my stay. Tiffany, my former roommate, had written me over a year ago informing me that John had graduated, but had stayed on at Windem as the wrestling coach and tournament coordinator. She'd mentioned that he'd had one girlfriend since me, but that it had barely lasted a month.
But that was a year and a half ago. Anything could've happened since then. How awkward would it be, showing up over there only to find he was with someone else?
And yet, I couldn't keep myself from turning Skywalker's head down the wooded path toward the school. The trail led through the pine trees, up behind the dorms and ended up near the parking lot.
It was to be back on my old stomping grounds. I'd been so young and innocent back then. As the son of a Presbyterian minister, John had manners and I'd never felt compromised with him. But since then I'd learned relationships could be much more complicated, more ...demanding.
“Yes, can I help you?”
A professor coming out of the main building noticed me sitting on my horse near the parking area. I wondered suddenly if they had a specific rule prohibiting horses on the premises. Windem was located in a rural setting—15 minutes from the nearest town. But this professor looked more surprised than disapproving.
I hesitated before I answered him. “I used to be a student here,” I explained. “I was wondering if John Quinn still works here.”
“He certainly does—in fact—I think he's at the outdoor wrestling ring right now. Do you know where that is?”
I nodded, remembering that the ring was being planned about the time I'd left. “I think so.”
“Well, let one of us know if you need anything else.”
Ok—no horseback riding rules, I guess. After thanking him, I directed my horse toward a woodsy area at the edge of the main campus (which, by the by, was pretty small and had not grown much since my departure nearly three years previous.)
I could hear the familiar thump of arena in use. I had been to a few wrestling shows to watch John before I'd left several years ago. A radio on a bench nearby was playing a mix of hip-hop and rap—John's music, no doubt. He'd originally wanted to be a hip-hop artist, but had never really pursued the dream beyond a couple of recording sessions.
My heart wrenched queerly when I saw John, his back toward me, instructing a young student—probably a freshman. The student was facing toward me and when he saw the horse, he started to stare. John, inevitably, turned to see what he was gaping at.
He had definitely matured—he wore his baseball cap facing forward now—but his face was still the same and the surprise that registered in his eyes was worth its weight in gold.
“Amada?” He sounded even more shocked than he looked.
I couldn't help but smile at his bewilderment. “And Skywalker,” I added, stroking the horse's neck.
John was speechless. I cocked my head. I'd never and I mean never had seen him at a loss for words before.
“What are you doing here?” He finally asked.
“I'm living with my Aunt,” I explained. “You remember Jessica? She lives less than a mile from here.”
“How long have you been there?”
“About three weeks.”
“And it took you this long to get over here?”
I detected an edge to his question and sensed he was miffed.
“I'm working at a racing stable twenty minutes from here,” I said finally. “I'm one of the trainers over there.”
He nodded, but didn't say anything else. I was taken aback—he was still angry with me after all this time?
“Anyway, I can see you're busy,” I said, suddenly feeling the awkwardness of the moment. “So I'll let you go.”
I gathered my reins and turned Skywalker.
“Amada?” John's voice sounded husky. I pulled back on the reins and Skywalker halted—I twisted in the saddle to look back at John.
He cleared his throat. “I'd like to call you.”
Call me? What the heck did that mean? I wrinkled my nose. Most likely he wanted to lecture me or rant about how I had some nerve showing up at Windem again. Or something. Most likely “or something”.
I shook my head and put my foot down. “You know where I'm staying,” I said evenly. “If you want to talk, you can come over there.”
Again—surprise registered on his face. And with good reason. The old me would've never stuck up for myself.
I clucked to Skywalker and jogged back toward home.
